His corpse in death is as dry as his wife in life

Actually, it’s a Norwegian G, so the correct pronunciation would be “Yiff”

Yeah, probably. There’s lots of good options, but it’s hard to go wrong with a 12-gauge shotgun.

Edit: and as someone else said, prepare for levee en masse. Get started now, grow a garden if you have space, start guerilla gardening if you don’t, teach yourself to forage, can, and fix shit like tears in clothing. For food crops: beans. Beans beans beans beans beans. And potatoes. You’ll hate life, but you’ll be alive to hate it.